The night before Christmas and alone in his house,
Bert was breaking a bud as quiet as a mouse.
Papers and tray were placed with such care.
He hoped that a new bag soon would be there.
His dealer was supposed to show up pretty soon.
He went to the player and turned on some tunes.
He lit up his last joint and drew in so deep.
He started to cough and collapsed in a heap.
Man thats good, Bert thought in his head.
I guess its because that bud was so red.
He took another hit and held this one in.
He felt that stoned feeling coming over him.
He put the joint down and stared off in space.
Bert wondered when his buddy would get to his place.
Just then he heard a knock on his door.
Bert said, "Who is it?" and took one hit more.
"Its Bob, whats up?" came the reply.
Bert said, "Come in" and let out a sigh.
"I knew you'd be here. I hadn't lost hope.
Its Christmas Eve, so I hope its good dope."
Bob shook his hand and laughed to himself.
"You know my herb is always top shelf.
This stuff is special, all indoor grown.
Itll tear out your brain with only one bone."
Well Bert was happy and full of good cheer.
When he heard the price he didn't even sneer.
He wished Bob a merry and told him good by.
He planned to spend the night alone getting high.
He first rolled up one and then rolled up two.
Bert kicked himself back to smoke the night through.
Bert was comatose the new herb was so good.
Two joints nailed him like Bob said it would.
Suddenly he woke to a noise from outside.
Bert didn't know if he should look or if he should hide.
Though he was so stoned, he still had to know.
He stumbled across the room to the window.
Outside he saw to his surprise,
a fat man in a Santa suit with glassy eyes.
He had a big bag over his back.
It really did look like it was Santas' sack.
He was standing right there in front of Berts door.
Bert went back to his tray and rolled up one more.
The doorbell rang and Bert felt his heart jump.
Deep in his throat he felt a big lump.
He remembered Santa and Christmas as a child.
He knew it seemed crazy and just a little too wild.
He moved to the door and before him there stood.
Santa as big as life wanting in if he could.
Bert said, "Santa, is it really you?
Its Christmas Eve and you've got so much to do."
Santa said, "I am wound a little tight.
I can use some herb to make me feel right."
Bert said, "Santa I can't believe you smoke."
Santa laughed and said, "An occasional toke.
I know that you're holding, the smells in the air.
I can use some for the night if you dont care."
Bert said, "Santa I got one rolled and ready.
Its top quality stuff it will keep you steady."
Bert handed it over to the merry old man.
He said with a smile, "I do what I can."
Santa gave Bert a sly little wink.
He pulled out a badge and said, "What do you think?
I was working the street and got very bored.
So I decided to try going door to door.
Your house happened to be the first that I picked.
Trying to buy dope dressed as St. Nick.
So now youre arrested, I'm taking you downtown.
I got to say you're the dumbest doper I found.
You were so stoned you didn't ask why.
Santa himself would want to get high."
Burt could not find anyone to post bail.
So thats how he spent his Christmas in jail.
The lesson he learned before it was too late.
Before he gets too old he better get straight.
The sheriff Santa on the corner beneath the streetlight,
Wishes all a Merry Christmas and all a good night.

Copyright 2001 Rob~Songbear~Walters
All right reserved.